Mr. Garrison is one of the South Park Elementary School teachers. Most people think that he's gay, but he says he isn't. Even if he is gay, he's homophobic. He has a hand puppet that he calls Mr. Hat. He always talks to it like it's alive. Mr. Garrison shouldn't be a teacher though, he always says stupid things to the class that aren't true, like "Christopher Columbus discovered America and was the indians' best friend." He tries to kill Kathie Lee Gifford for beating him in a talent show when they were kids, but only since Mr. Hat convinced him to. He thinks gay people are evil. When Cartman's pig had sex with Kyle's elephant, the pig gave birth to a pig that looked exactly like him. He directed all of the school plays.